Back Where You Belong

Back where you belong.  I love the feeling this emotes in me.  I have it on my bedroom wall.

I Want To Get THrough Just One Day Pain Free

A few years ago I had a coach.  I have a coach now, though that's for business, even though we do occasionally stray into other areas that need some attention.  But my coach from years ago helped me in a very different way.  My main aim was to get through just one day, pain free.

It took 3 months and a lot of ups and downs.  Now this wasn't a physical pain, like from an injury or an illness...which is a pain I cannot even begin to imagine.  I have massive admiration for people that have to suffer in this way, and still deal with everyday life.  No, this was just a mental pain that was rapidly manifesting into the physical form.  My boyfriend of not very long in time, though long in promise, had just disappeared.  One day naked on the sofa, the next day gone.   Just like that.  No argument, no fall out, nothing.  Oh, and never to be seen or heard from again I might add.  He still exists.  He's not a missing person or anything.  Just that I don't know where he exists, and he definitely went missing from my life.

Days and nights merged into one long never ending existence of gut wrenching wakefulness, longing for sleep, or anything, to take away the pain. My sessions with Marilyn (my coach) gave me some kind of order to the chaos in my head and I lapped up eagerly the tasks she set for me each week.  Late one night the reality of what happened came and slapped me around the head again as it frequently liked to do, reminding me,

 'Hey, you still haven't dealt with what has happened yet.  Not properly'.

Well I thought I had, but there were clearly still some issues.  So one night in mid cry, I started - almost instinctively - to write stuff down.  I was sick of being unhappy and I craved desperately to feel hope again.  Something had to be done.

I've sat through that many seminars on motivation and self development, that I could have written the manuals.  I knew what to do to feel better, but, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  So I had a double whammy of failure and inadequacy running through me.  One long night I'd had enough, and decided to think of the nice things, and write them down.  That I could do!  I started writing, banging crazily away on my keyboard. and as I did, I began to feel better.  Lighter somehow.   I think writing from a positive prospective helped, but mainly I think it was simply the act of writing out the thoughts.  It felt like extraction.  By pulling them out one by one I was releasing the pressure, in what I felt was much better way, then by numbing them down with red wine.

"I wish the bottom of the wine bottle had you in it.  I keep drinking, but you never come."
LOVE STUFF Things I Love About You... P.51

Marilyn advised me to carry on, and when I told her I wanted to turn it into a book, she advised me to choose and buy my domain name.  Thank goodness I did, because 2 years later, The Love Stuff was born.  It's not perfect, there are some things that I could have done quicker, but I wanted to make it happen for myself.  I felt I needed to understand the process of writing and publishing a book, because I knew this would be the first of many. Because I'd followed Marilyns' advice, www.thelovestuff.com was still waiting patiently in cyberspace for me to get started.

Through all of this I came to realize that what was the most disorientating factor in my 'breakup', after obviously missing the guy, was the lack of control I had over the situation.  As a self confessed control freak, I felt like my legs had literally been knocked from under me.  These days I feel I can enter a state where I relinquish all self control, when I choose to.  Ha ha, I'm still a control freak after all.  But now I have the ability to be totally free.  This is when I'm really me. 

The act of writing 'the stuff in my head' down, helped me so much in becoming the woman I am today.  It seems such a straight forward task, but when you're down in the depths of despair, just 'pulling yourself together', which is so often the advice, is usually completely ineffective.  Sometimes just pulling yourself out of bed is an achievement in itself, and worry, sadness and anger are the only thoughts for the day.  If we keep these negative thoughts locked away, they will literally eat away at our insides by producing acid, causing all kinds of dis-ease to the body.  By dragging them out, I think I may have literally saved my own life.

So what's my conclusive advice to all this?

1. If you're ecstaticly happy...Write it Down!

2. If you're in pain...Write it Down!

3. If you have an idea....Make it Happen!

4. Get a coach to help you with all of this!

Thanks Marilyn Devonish
www.tranceformationslimited.com

A Love Stuff Titbit

I loved how we were friends for years and clearly fancied each other, even though no-one else really understood our friendship.  When times were tough it was always you I turned too. P.27

Interview on BBC Radio Leicester

Oh yeah, I had an interview on Weds on BBC Radio Leicester about the LOVE STUFF book.  It was perfect timing, as it was the only day I didn't have little boisterous one in tow and so I was able to go down there without hindrance.
It was short sweet and fun...like the book really.

CLICK HERE to listen to it  

You have to forward it to 2:14;31 which is where I come on.

I dutifully left my only copy of the book with the lovely Helen Dixon who was sitting in for Rupal as a thankyou for the interview....all the time thinking, "That's my only copy", BUT it gut felt like the right thing to do so I did.  My gut feeling was proved right on the following morning on Valentines Day itself, which I'll tell you about in the next post.

Kathy x

EBOOK now finished too

The book is now available as an EBOOK to.  I was so determined to finish it last night before I went to bed that I stayed up all night to do it.  You can get it from Lulu.com.

I've made it cheaper than the printed copy for obvious reasons....no printing costs plus the biggie NO DELIVERY COSTS.  So it's much easier.  I had no idea how much work was involved in making it adhere to the ebook criteria and be available in EPUB format.  LOADS of reformatting.  But hours later with a sore back, fried brain and tired eyes.  It was complete.  I was happy.  So I went to bed at 5am...with my 3yr old who decided to get up at 3am to start the day, and was most confused as to why I was up and working.  So he figured it was breakfast time...NOOOOOO! Our day has been all out of kilter since then but hey, it was worth it.  It's finished.  Just gotta promote it now.
Click below to download it and make my efforts worthwhile.  After all I wrote it for you not me :)

Kathy x

Yaayyy! The Book is Finished

I'm so chuffed.  I've finished my book, and I've loved every minute of it.  It's been one of those projects that has been bugging me for such a long time, that I couldn't NOT do it.

If you want a sneak peak at it then follow the link below, until you see the book title, then click 'preview' underneath it.

CLICK HERE to see the book.

Here's some bonus LOVE STUFF titbits for you that are not in the preview.  Enjoy x

"I loved standing at the bar with you at the first party we went to.  We talked all night, feeling that we were the only couple actually talking to each other".

"I loved how we met up years later when we were 18 and made love for the first time even though we were sweethearts when we were 15 and never did it then.  When you kissed me it was just the same yet your face was more rugged this time."

"I loved that Skype sex session we had, when you were working away.  How awesome was that!  You bring out the naughty in me.  Shame you knocked your laptop off the bed, broke it and had to buy a new one".

.